Skimpy Scrawlings

...what do live in New Zealand. She is called Hgaaaameeb. Did you know there is a phonebox in Wellington which (using judiciuosly placed mirrors) pretends to be a portal all the way to the northern hemisphere. They've worked it out that if you did actually dig directly down from this phonebox, you would eventually surface in Paris. I guess I'm trying to get across just how far away from me my skin-and-blister actually lives because the existence of this portal tells me that the furthest point away from Wellington is Paris. But I live about 300 miles from Paris, so I live even further away!

Still, she has great life down there and has actually grown by 15 metres in both directions. She plays rugby every single day with a loyal bunch of gorgeous elephant-monkeys and then grazes on nearby Rimu trees and the odd norwegian tourist. She has a nice boyfriend called Fabulous who loves her so much that he sleeps on top of the house to stop it blowing away in the night. She works with very nice people but 90% of them are allergic to the floor so they have use a complicated system of pulleys and shopping trolleys to move around the office. It's a very big office because their job is to create and maintain Billy Zane's internets for him while he's out canoeing.